Pumpkins Are Not The Only Fruits
‘JUST when you thought it as safe to venture back in the newsagents, OK! announces that its now time for PART TWO OF THE WEDDING OF THE CENTURY.
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| ‘Great party, Pete.’ ‘Yeah’ |
What more could happen in Jordan and Peter Andres exchanging of rings, vows and saliva? What did we miss?
In what we had thought was the full deal, and now know to be part one, we saw the bride arrive in a pumpkin, the bride walk down the aisle dressed as a pumpkin and the tanned groom smiling like hed swallowed a pumpkin whole.
The whole fairy-tale do was less like Cinderella and more like Halloween.
But this is the OUTRAGEOUS WEDDING PARTY. And, as OK! says on its front cover, SEEING IS BELIEVING. Only, of course seeing is nothing of the kind – the camera tells more lies than Pinocchio at one of Jeffrey Archers fabled shepherds pie and Krug parties.
But pictures are all we have to go by. We have no more felt the length of Jordans pink blancmange-styled dress than we have dined on her salad of Cornish lobster with a tomato consommé and guacamole, her spiced green figs or her white chocolate and raspberry semi-fredo.
We dont get to hear the phenomenal mid-course entertainment from Tenor and Divas Incognito, which kicked off with a waitress singing Waltzing Matilda extremely badly.
The chef then came out to tell her to cease, and burst into a variety of musical theatre and modern songs. Another waitress soon joined him for a performance of Big Spender and then a Grease medley.
The only thing missing was a popstar of old jumping to his feet, running is hands over his six-pack and screaming about the world being insania. But instead guests had to make do with Peters brother Andrew reading a few telegrams.
Pete then stood up and told everyone about how he and Jordan met. It was the usual story of boy in jungle TV clearing meets girl in jungle TV clearing; he shows her his acorn and climbs into her hammock; she fishes cockroaches out of her bikini top.
Jordan then floated upwards from her pink throne and thanked just about everyone on this planet and some others for making her the happiest woman in the entire world.
She even had an extra special thanks to OK! and Express newspapers chairman Richard Desmond, OK! editor Lisa Palta and the rest of the OK! team.
Indeed, if it was not for OK! we would not have been EXCLUSIVELY INVITED TO ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL COUPLES LAVISH RECEPTION AND WILD PARTY!.
Pah! Wed have been sat at home or on the loo reading about it. And how sad would that have been..?’
Posted: 26th, September 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
