Anorak | Goody’s Grief

Goody’s Grief

by | 4th, October 2005

‘ALL property is theft. Which means Jade Goody cannot be guilty of stealing a £16 waistcoat from the Asda supermarket in Harlow, Essex.

Jade makes an arresting sight

The allegedly stolen item might even be the garment the former reality TV star is wearing on the Sun’s front cover, as the world shudders to the news: “TV JADE IN ASDA SHOPLIFT ARREST.”

We could be no more shocked by this front-page sensation had Goody been fingered as the leader of those anarchist Wombles. Can it really be that Goody is Britain’s answer to Winona Ryder?

Can Goody really be a villain? For crimes against the English language, she is guilty as charged. For conspiracy to corrupt kebabs, she must go down. But guilty of common theft? Surely not.

But the story that a security guard found the waistcoat in among Goody’s weekly shop, after a security tag had set of an alarm, suggests a lengthening rap sheet.

While police question Goody, and deny claims that the TV star is being turned into an “escape goat’ (sic), the Mail spots another celebrity shopper with trouble in store.

If it isn’t Coleen McGlouglin doing what she does best and giving her credit cards a good airing.

The paper has followed the would-be Mrs Wayne Rooney to Madrid, where it’s spotted her ready to splash out a mere £1,343 on a chavtastic belt.

Standing in the Chanel

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Posted: 4th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink