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Anorak | Goody’s Grief

Goody’s Grief

by | 4th, October 2005

‘ALL property is theft. Which means Jade Goody cannot be guilty of stealing a £16 waistcoat from the Asda supermarket in Harlow, Essex.

Jade makes an arresting sight

The allegedly stolen item might even be the garment the former reality TV star is wearing on the Sun’s front cover, as the world shudders to the news: “TV JADE IN ASDA SHOPLIFT ARREST.”

We could be no more shocked by this front-page sensation had Goody been fingered as the leader of those anarchist Wombles. Can it really be that Goody is Britain’s answer to Winona Ryder?

Can Goody really be a villain? For crimes against the English language, she is guilty as charged. For conspiracy to corrupt kebabs, she must go down. But guilty of common theft? Surely not.

But the story that a security guard found the waistcoat in among Goody’s weekly shop, after a security tag had set of an alarm, suggests a lengthening rap sheet.

While police question Goody, and deny claims that the TV star is being turned into an “escape goat’ (sic), the Mail spots another celebrity shopper with trouble in store.

If it isn’t Coleen McGlouglin doing what she does best and giving her credit cards a good airing.

The paper has followed the would-be Mrs Wayne Rooney to Madrid, where it’s spotted her ready to splash out a mere £1,343 on a chavtastic belt.

Standing in the Chanel cash and carry, Coleen goes to pay. She offers the shop assistant her card. The card is rejected. She offers it again. Once more the machine spits it out. And praying for third time lucky, the card is put through the ringer once more. But no. It’s a hat-trick. Credit has been denied.

“She got very flustered,” says an eyewitness, and tried to call Wayne into the shop. “But he couldn’t see her waving her hands in the air.”

Eventually, the driver of the car, in which Wayne was sat with a “face like thunder”, spotted Coleen’s dance and went to see what was wrong. He fetched a “furious” Rooney and the foul-mouthed England footballer coughed up.

Nice one, Wayne. And well done Coleen for keeping cool in a crisis, and for not daring to let go of that belt.

But we are left wondering why Coleen’s credit was refused? Might it be that her card could take not more abuse? Or perhaps Wayne had stopped the card and was having a little joke at his lover’s expense?

Even if she did have the last laugh and, ultimately, make him pay for it…’



Posted: 4th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink