The Hair Apparent

‘GIVEN the sound thrashing usually administered to Tory leaders at election time it’s little wonder old Etonian David Cameron is so keen to land the job.

And it seems that we the people are just as keen for the 39-year-old to become the next leader of the Conservative Party.

A poll commissioned by the Telegraph finds that 59 per cent of respondents want Cameron for the job. Just 18 per cent choose Liam Fox and 15 per cent go for David Davis.

Cameron looks like a dead certainty to win. And he’s not just popular among the electorate but among his fellow MPs, too.

The paper says Cameron is close to achieving the support of half the 198-strong parliamentary party. So he should win the next round of voting comfortably.

And when the vote is given to the 300,000 party members, Cameron should win by a mile. The Telegraph‘s poll finds that 82 per cent of party activists are backing the young blade.

It’s good news and more good news for Cameron, who’s pictured inside the paper in full Tony Blair mode – munching on a biscuit and sitting before a cup of tea, albeit a cup with no picture of his family printed on it.

And he’s got nice hair. You can’t miss it. It goes everywhere he goes. It sits on top of his head like a glossy crown.

And do not doubt its power. As the Times reports, “A slick coiffure puts one candidate head and shoulders above his rivals”.

The Cameron campaign is as slick as the man’s hair. And that’s not natural grease giving his hair that glistening sheen. That’s Brylcreem, and Cameron’s using it to good effect to grease his rival’s political poles.

David Davis’s supporters say that the sight of Cameron with slicked-back hair is an attempt to draw attention to the fact that their man with his grey locks is the older by 17 years.

“Nonsense,” say Cameron’s supporters, the Cameroonians. “If he puts stuff in his hair it has more to do with his schedule in the morning I suspect,” says a Cameron spokesman.

Whether by design or not, Cameron’s locks are a hit with the politically aware hairdressing fraternity. Says Nicky Clarke (no relation to Ken): “The dry look made him look more formal, more old fashioned, to be honest like a typical Tory MP.”

He goes on: “This Brylcreem or gel makes David Cameron seem much more modern. It’s not too greasy or too smarmy. It looks just right.”

We might not know much about Cameron’s policies or his drugs history, but we know a nice shiny head of hair when we see one.

So vote Cameron for a brighter future and better hair – and if you want a return to the more interesting times of Tory politics, when the oily-haired Cecil Parkinson was in charge…’

Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink