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Anorak | Calling Time

Calling Time

by | 10th, November 2005

‘“WHAT’S the time, Mr Wolf?” asks the little loves in the playground. The wolf spins round, his chops slavering. “Time for you to get inside. I can’t get any rest with all your noise. Bloomin’ kids. In my day…”

Where are the lambs, Mr Wolf?

We’ll leave Mr Wolf to get on with his tirade. And turn to the Express. There we learn that the wolf’s name is Jim Habens, and his home backs on to the Jigsaw Day Nursery at Locks Heath, Hampshire.

When Habens heard the little children asking Mr Wolf the time, he picked up a phone and rather than dialling the speaking clock, called Fareham Borough Council.

He’d had enough. The children were just too noisy. Why couldn’t they just get a watch like everyone else? He wanted quiet.

And now he’s got it. Thanks to this tetchy wolf, the 70 children aged two to five can now only play in the garden for an hour a day. And they must not be noisy. Asking “What’s the time, Mr Wolf?” is verboten.

Failure to comply with this directive could result in a noise abatement order, which carries a maximum fine of £5,000.

The children, as is always the way with such stories, are said to be “extremely upset”.

The poor lambs are no longer allowed to dash around in the pouring rain and chill winds all day. If they want to catch hypothermia, they’ll have to do it in their own time. Although we are told that shouting can help to keep you warm…’



Posted: 10th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink