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Anorak | The Jumper

The Jumper

by | 15th, November 2005

‘“DIANA: her final stunning pictures,” promises the Express’s front page. Or is that threatens? It’s usually only websites that would bother with such macabre voyeurism.

Soft landings

But here is a national paper, the self-styled “world’s greatest newspaper”, promising to show its readers something truly shocking.

Can we not look at something more pleasant? What about the Sun’s shots of Prince Harry’s lover Chelsy Davy?

“GREAT VIEW, CHELSY,” leers the Sun. It stares up at the blonde one descending by parachute with expert Paul Lutzer tied to her back.

Chelsy “put on an outstanding show in a tight fleece”, says the Sun, peering at the busty jumper. “Her daredevil jump put paid to her knockers who have written her off as a pouting party animal,” it says.

It might not be all that tasteful to gawp at Chelsy’s chest as she risks life and limb on a parachute jump(“Harry girl shows a lot of front in 9,000ft skydive”), but surely it’s better than what the Express is proposing.

And since we’ve seen Chelsy, what about a look at Kate Middleton, Prince William’s lover.

And, in case any of you were wondering, Kate is indeed dating the future king. In a meeting with members of the All Blacks rugby team at Buckingham Palace, Kiwi forward Ali Williams asked Wills about Kate.

The Sun catches up with Williams and finds out what was said. “He said it was going well, going steady,” says Williams.

That’s good to hear. There’s nothing wrong with steady, even if it fails to produce a decent shot of Kate’s cleavage as she leaps from an aeroplane.

And unless Kate can show us some leg, we can delay things no longer. It’s time to look at those shots of Diana.

And… Oh, is that it? We had expected to see something truly awful. But “Diana’s last pictures” are of the Princess shopper reclining on a couch in first a black gown and then a white one.

And what we learn is that these are the last “official” pictures of the fabled princess, taken by Peruvian snapper Mario Testino.

In his latest book, Testino writes that Harry and Wills told him “the pictures were the most like her they had ever seen”.

And however good they are – and they are little different to the countless other shots of Di posing for the camera – they are surely better than what was promised…’



Posted: 15th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink