Bug Off

‘AUSTRALIA gives us bar staff, au pairs and Rolf Harris. We send them a platoon of our finest celebs.

Yes, folks, I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here is back. As the Sun says on its front page: “LET’S GET READY TO JUNGLE.”

After what must be seconds of guessing, the Sun puts us out of our misery and reveals who will be appearing in a jungle clearing Down Under for the next couple of weeks.

And first up, let us say that not all of this celebrity mulch is comprised of native Brits. The “BATTLE OR THE BLONDES” will see former Atomic Kitten singer Jenny Frost blonde it out with Australian “ex-neighbours stunner” Kimberley Davies.

But hang on a moment. There are other blondes on the show, not least of whom is Carol Thatcher. Her yellowy thatch pops up in the Express.

In “I’m a celebrity…don’t tell mum”, Thatcher says she’s too frightened to tell Maggie she’s on the show.

“I think she’ll probably be very critical,” says Carol of her mum, “I can’t say it’s her sort of show so I might just tell her that I’ve done it when I get back.”

And then there’s the blonde Jilly Goolden. She’s TV’s well-spoken wine expert. The token toff. The Express has a picture of Jilly dribbling what looks like a black worm onto her palette.

And while Jilly appreciates the worm’s earthy flavours, and cogitates over its body and a hint of blackcurrants and slime, the Sun spots other life forms moving about the undergrowth.

They are: former boyband singer Antony Costa, mahogany-skinned antiques expert David Dickinson, former EastEnders actress Elaine Lordan, former EastEnders actor Sid Owen, ‘little’ middle aged Jimmy Osmond and Emmerdale actress Sheree Murphy.

Has there ever been a finer body of men and women assembled for our entertainment? We think not. And we’d like to take this opportunity to wish them the very best of British. Break a leg, gang. And if the leg starts seeping pus, stick some leeches on it…’

Posted: 16th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink