Anorak

Anorak | Out Of Order

Out Of Order

by | 22nd, December 2005

‘MY apologies if you’re not in to read this. I was in the area of my computer and thought it best to write now. I work on a 24-hour system, and can produce the copy at any moment during the day-long window.

If you missed it this time, you can pick up the rest of the article from our depot. Please contact our Tresco head office in person with proof of ID between the hours of (insert your normal working hours here) when we will arrange alternative delivery.

This is the great game of the modern era. Forget cat and dog, this is customer and delivery man. You wait. He pounces. But when? It is all too, too thrilling.

And now the game is being played for higher stakes. Welcome to X-Treme Waiting. In this game you play for your utilities.

Step forward contestant No. 1., Michael Hopcraft. Michael is 56-years-old, lives in the Bristol area and has chosen to take on the mighty Wales & West Utilities.

Michael began waiting for the gasman when his gas supply was cut off by workmen digging up the road outside his home.

At 5pm that night, Michael received a call from the gas company. A voice on the end of the line told Michael that someone would be round shortly to plug him back in.

Michael waited. He looked at the door. He may even have peeked out the window. He sat. He waited some more. The clock ticked. He waited. Hark! The noise of a vehicle being parked… But no. False alarm.

And Michael fell asleep. The game was up. We in no way condone the use of drugs – they are banned in this pure sport – but Michael should have been prepared to fight fatigue.

Perhaps he and his wife Catherine could have operated a shift system, or sat naked in their home, relying on the chill night air to keep their senses awake.

But no. Michael slept. So when the gasman called at 3:35am there was no answer at the door. Michael had lost. The gasman had won. As the victory note reads: “Our engineer called when you were out.”

That’s one nil to the utility firms. Next week a woman in Melton Mowbray takes on the National Grid on New Year’s Day…’



Posted: 22nd, December 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink