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Anorak | The F-Word

The F-Word

by | 12th, January 2006

‘GREETINGS rat fans. Are you ready for some more news from the world of Kevin Federline?

Well, here goes. But before we go on, please send all minors from the room. As the Enquirer promises on its front page, this is going to be “Kevin’s BIGGEST insult” yet.

Having watched Kevin in action, this is sure to be some insult. Anyone who has heard Kevin’s new hip-hop tunes knows that his words can reduce even the hardest case to tears.

(“Back then, they called me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead,’ he raps in the chorus of Y’all Ain’t Ready.)

So what did this 21st Century Vanilla Ice say to his beloved? What insult would really hurt Britney, cut her to the quick and make her, as a source says, get this “look on her face like she was going to deck him”?

Yes, it was bad. It was very bad. Kevin dared to use the F-word. No, that F-word, the one favoured by celebrity chefs, England footballers and Tony Blair.

This is far worse. It’s the other F-word. The word no American dare use in public, resorting to euphemisms like “big boned”, “heavy” and “the plus-size community”. Yes, Kevin called Britney f*t. *at! Fa*!

As a source tells the Enquirer, in the course of a discussion about Kevin’s brilliant career and deep, lasting talent, Kevin hit his wife where it hurts.

According to the source, Kevin’s biggest insult to date went: “Maybe you should start looking for work, too, because you’re getting fat.”

A few days later, Kevin apparently gave Britney a card. This was not a business card for a celebrity Fat Farm. This was a card that said Britney was the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

No denying that. Big is beautiful, after all. But the word has been uttered. Britney deserves better.

As a source says: “She has made a New year’s resolution to get in shape. But it would be nice if Kevin would be more supportive.”

And – boy – does she ever need some extra support…’



Posted: 12th, January 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink