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Anorak | Baby Bouncers

Baby Bouncers

by | 18th, January 2006

‘“PAPERS!” demands the boader guard. The traveller stares ahead, unblinking. “Papers!” Still no movement.

Then a small crease forms around the potential terrorist’s eyes. She starts to turn pink. Then red. Then a deep and beetroot purple. She seems to suck all the air from the room. She begins to wail, kick and thrash about.

It didn’t take much to crack this potential drugs smuggler. But, then, she is only four months old.

Looking at her papers, prized from her surprisingly firm and sticky grip, we note, as the Mail does, that she travels under the name Bethany Thomas.

Her mother is called Mandy. Her father is known as Gwyn. And she has a brother called Geraint. At time of writing that’s all the gang members known to the authorities. But it is likely Bethany has grandparents, aunts and very possibly a third cousin twice removed living in the Tipton area of Leicester.

What Bethany does not have, however, is a left earlobe. Well, not one visible on the picture Mandy sent along with Bethany’s passport application forms.

Which means the photo was in breach of Rule 13 of the 16 rules that must be adhered to when applying for your official travel documents. The application was refused.

If Mandy and Gwyn want to take their children to Menorca they must resubmit Bethany’s documents – including a picture of their youngest, earlobes and all.

As the guidelines clearly state, applicants “must show their full face, with a neutral expression, with their mouth closed”.

Problem is that Bethany keeps on opening her mouth to breathe, smile, burp and scream, sometimes all at the same time.

And that’s when she’s not begging someone to feed her addiction to milk…’



Posted: 18th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink