Behind You!
‘BEHIND you! No, not you. Pete Burns. That monkey jacket had us in mind of a pantomime character, a gorilla-Widow Twanky chimera.
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Behind you! |
Thankfully, Burnss coat is now free of Burns; and Burns, free of his troublesome coat, is free to go the way of all reality TV stars and appear on day-time TV sofas and ultimately the end of a very long pier.
Of course, come Christmas, will any of us remember who Burns was? These pages have as you will have noticed not mentioned this years Celebrity Big Brother in any detail.
In years past, we gave the show our full throat, the words flowing like Vanessa Feltzs tears (series one). That was the show won by comedian Jack Dee and lost by Anthea Turner and La Feltz; the show that transformed Scouse soap actress Claire Sweeney into our Cler.
For the record, series two was won by reformed Take Thatter Mark Owen, who defeated Anne Diamond, Melinda Messenger and a chastened and broken Les Dennis.
Series 3 was own by Bez, a dancer who couldnt dance, who saw off the combined might of John McCririck, Caprice and Kenzie.
Where are they now? Dunno. Have you checked the end of the pier, or under it? And then if you do find a celeb, you run the risk of not knowing which of the mob youre addressing.
As this extract of this seasons Big Brother shows, the celebs are interchangeable:
TRACI: Chantelle!
CHANTELLE: Oh my god! We’re, like, getting evicted!
TRACI: Oh my god!
CHANTELLE: Oh my god!
TRACI: Oh my god!
CHANTELLE: That is awesome!
TRACI: Oh my God! Were getting evicted!
CHANTELLE: Oh my god!
TRACI: Oh my god! I have to leave!
CHANTELLE: Oh my god!
Could be anyone talking, couldnt it? And its contagious. Get a load of this exchange:
PRESTON: I’d do this again if I hadn’t done it but I’d never do anything like this again.
CHANTELLE: Yeah, I know what you mean.
If Burnss hideous coat is speaking to the cops, theres no prizes for guessing what its saying.
Coppa: Did you enter this country illegally?
Coat: Oh my God! Im getting evicted!
Last one to the pier’s a dead monkey…’
Posted: 30th, January 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
