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George & The Whale

by | 30th, January 2006

‘WAS the whale that swam up the Thames into the heart of London a portent of doom? Was Wally/Willy/Whaley trying to tell us something? If she was, Neptune should have sent Flipper as his emissary because all Wally did was swim, swim some more and then die.

This left Monday’s Mirror to ask: “Why did he die?” In “FAREWELL TO WHALEY”, we heard that the whale’s death may have had something to do with the disorientating effects of a recent series of military explosions close to the Thames estuary.

It just might have had something to do with the fact that the whale was followed up the Thames by a flotilla of boats, forced to beach and lifted onto a grotty barge.

But what about those shadowy military explosions? It’s unlikely we’ll ever know what they entail – unless an undersea rock tells all.

On Tuesday, we learnt that rocks do indeed know many things. They are privy to secrets. There are rocks in Moscow that have been communicating with British spies. Rocks must not be taken lightly. Rocks should be watched closely.

The Russian were taking no chances and had even filmed one particular rock for a TV expose. The Express published a still of the rock fraternising with our man in Moscow, Andrew Fleming.

The Russians claimed that within this boulder British intelligence has secreted a hi-tech transmitting device. It was delicate, leading–edge espionage.

Enthralled, we looked at the ensuing images of Fleming logging on by drawing back his right leg and giving the rock a kick. Perhaps this was the only way to get the rock to talk, even it did look like a form of torture.

But such is the price of freedom. What matter how you get your message across so long as the masses get to hear it?

So the rock gets a kicking. And George Galloway gets booted out of the Big Brother house, branded a venal, bullying, conniving etc. etc. etc. swine etc. etc…

What some people will do for Palestine, eh? We’re sure George will be saluted in the Middle East for his courage, strength and indefatigability in branding Jodi Marsh “wicked”, pretending to be a pussy cat and gamely wearing middle-aged denim for the cause.

But, much as we’d like to see Galloway embark on his new career as the face of Go Cat Tuna Herring and Vegetables, we struggled to see how wearing a toupee, dressing up as Dracula and smoking barred him politics.

Indeed, looking at the Tory benches – featuring the likes of Michael Fabricant, Michael Howard and Ken Clarke – we suggested Galloway has just hitched his colours to the wrong mast.

With 64.7 per cent of the popular vote behind him, Galloway could still flourish in the hallowed halls of Westminster.

Indeed, if he wears Bono’s new range of planet-saving fashion, Galloway may yet rise to the top.

“We’ve come up with a sexy, smart, savvy idea that will save people’s lives,” said Bono in the Sun, displaying a rare mastery of the language of marketing.

“It’s conscious commerce for people who think about their spending power and say ‘I’ve got two jeans I can buy. One is made in Africa and is going to make a difference and the other isn’t. What am I going to buy?”

Hmmm? Tough choice. Do you go for the jeans made in an impoverished part of the world or get the branded ones made in a sweatshop in mega-rich China?

Good job the likes of Bono and Galloway are on hand to help us do the right thing…’



Posted: 30th, January 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink