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Anorak | Local Hero

Local Hero

by | 9th, February 2006

‘SAM Allardyce for England! Yeah, if you want the team to be twinned with Royston Vasey, home to the League of Gentlemen.

Sam and Sven – the dream team

Allardyce looks uncannily, and unfortunately, like a cross between the comedy show’s Herr Lipp and Tubbs Tattsyrup. After Swedish Sven, Big Sam truly is the local candidate.

Oh, come, come, stop clacking your tongue and shaking your head. Bolton Wanderers manager Sam knows the game. If he wants to be the next England manager, he’d best toughen up.

During his tenure as the England manager, Graham Taylor had his head plastered all over a turnip on the Sun’s front page but he never banned the Sun’s hacks from talking to him or attending press conferences.

What of Big ‘Girls Blouse’ Sam? When BBC Five Live’s egotistical commentator Alan Green commented that Bolton play “ugly football” that he wouldn’t pay to watch, Sam refused to talk to the station or the broadcaster.

“I thought Alan Green was a Liverpool fan, but the comments he made don’t deserve me talking about them,” said Big Sam. “I wouldn’t want to try to encourage the BBC to keep him employed really. If I make comments, it just fuels the situation and keeps the bubble growing.”

So Sam won’t comment. He’s bigger than that. And he won’t even talk to Five Live, let alone the journalists, as Green surely is, who committed the sin of voicing an opinion.

What happens when Allardyce’s England start playing like Allardyce’s Bolton and lump the ball up to the big lads up front? Will we able to criticise?

So as not to offend sensitive Sam, will we have to join the chorus of Sky TV’s nodding heads who give blanket praise for anything and everything, issuing aural numbutal to the masses?

And if we do, will Sam refuse to talk to anyone who doesn’t see things his way and ‘get behind the lads’?

Or will England’s supporters – like today’s Bolton fans – not care at all for the style, so long as we win?

And so long as Sam is local?’



Posted: 9th, February 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink