The Stud

‘WE have looked. We have looked again. And we can say that the Star contains no pictures – not one – of the Muslim prophet Muhammad.

Of course, only Danish cartoonist Kurt Westergaard knows what the messenger of Islam looks like. And since not one of today’s papers publishes his pictures, we can only imagine that the figure Muslims believe to be God’s final prophet has not got bobbed blonde hair and generous hips.

Add a lollypop, a pair of Comfi-Slax jeans and a kid called Sean Preston, and the image in the Star seems to be that of Britney Spears (may her name be praised).

To the best of our knowledge, Britney is not a Muslim, nor, indeed, is she a fundamentalist Mormon, making it less likely that she will look kindly on husband Kevin telling her: “I want to see other women.”

The Star says Britney is “heartbroken”. And the Sun says “Britney can’t believe what she’s earring.”

The story goes that ferret-faced Kevin also wants to turn his son, the aforesaid Sean Preston, into a smaller version of himself. The ratty beard will have to wait, but surely young Sean Preston can do the revolting white vest, soppy hat and earring.

So, as the paper says, while out near their home in Malibu, the man they call K-Fed began walking four-month-old Sean Preston towards a piercing shop.

Britney was unimpressed. A row ensued. Kevin kept walking. So Britney despatched a bodyguard to chase after them.

An eyewitness tells all. “Britney was out of control. She was screaming at Kevin in the street that she didn’t want her son to look like trailer trash.” (Newsflash, Britney: genes will out.)

But rather than give nature a helping hand, the minder managed to chase Kevin off, and so prevent Sean Preston reaching premature chavhood – or, for all we know, looking like a certain Muslim prophet…’

Posted: 3rd, February 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink