She’s Every Woman

‘POSH pouts like a trout. Kerry McPadding-Katona has new hair extensions, and is as refreshingly normal and down to earth as a toilet that won’t flush. Jordan has exposed her threepenny bits in the pursuit of fame. All three appear on the cover of this week’s OK! magazine. But the woman who has it all is called Chantelle.

So big is Chantelle that OK has changed the colour of its masthead. Not since Princes Diana went “upstairs” to the Sixth Floor of Harvey Nichols has so august an organ as OK! dipped its quill in anything other than its trademark red ink. For Di, the Press’s ink went black; for Chantelle, it’s gone a shocking pink.

This is the “CHANTELLE EXCLUSIVE”. This is the tale of the BONA FIDE CELEBRITY” who considers blowing a ball of soapy suds and lying on a bed strewn with rose petals part of a day’s work.

She is also ready to answer the questions that goes to the very core of her being. “Right, let’s get down to it,” says OK!, “do you fancy Preston?”

Preston is, of course, Chantelle’s Big Brother housemate emeritus. And, for the record, Chantelle does not fancy him. “No,” says Chantelle, “I do not fancy Preston.” (See. Told you.)

You’d think that was enough, But OK! has its feldgrau cap on and keeps on at Chantelle. It wants the truth. So there are no fewer than six more questions about Chantelle’s attitude to Preston.

She’s a tough nut to crack is Chantelle. Her story remains the same throughout the interview. Indeed, so comfortable and unfazed is Chantelle that she finds time to slip into a pink bikini and so hark back to her former job as a Paris Hilton lookalike.

Stopping short of shooting a straight–to-Internet video with Preston, or any man, Chantelle is seen holding what appears to be one end of a straining dog lead. Only, because we don’t see the dog, we can’t be sure what’s on the other end. Might Preston be pulling at the leash? What about Michael Barrymore? Or George Galloway? But would anyone – even a Big Brother winner – walk a cat? Can you walk a cat?

Questions and more questions. “You weren’t intimated by the celebrities, were you?” says OK! “They are real people,” replies Chantelle.

OK!: “Is infidelity a big thing for you?”

Chantelle: “Yes”

OK!: “You must have lots of male admirers?”

Chantelle: “No”

OK!: “Is money important to you?”

Chantelle: “Not really.”

And what of her fellow celebs? Chantelle admires Jordan “so much”. She also admires Victoria Beckham – “I look up to her”.

But, sadly, no overt mention is made of Chantelle’s fellow reality TV show winner, the aforesaid Katona. But Chantelle does say she’d “be lost” without her hair extensions.

And surely Kerry will know what she means…’

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink