Crimes Against Fashion

‘“AND the Oscar for Breast Supported Actress goes to…” So says the Mirror as it shows us that when it comes to leering at women in dresses, it can hold its own.

While a source in the Star watches Jack Nicholson totter up to Keira Knightly and ask her “if she’s ever had the pleasure of an older, wiser man”, the Mirror looks down Madonna’s lilac creation, “so low-cut it almost turned her into queen of the pop outs”.

Almost, but not quite, because Hollywood bluebloods Dolly Parton and Pamela Anderson – if you’ve bought ‘em, flaunt ‘em – were showing off their orbs to full effect.

So much for the tops, what of the bottoms? Indeed, what of the whole ensemble – breasts, bottom, thighs and any other bits a snapper with his flash set to ‘X-ray’ can expose?

The Mail takes a look at the actresses in their dresses and concludes that almost all the women looked elegant. Almost! Who failed?

Step forward and make ready to sack your stylists, Charlize Theron, dressed in a Donatella Versace gunmetal grey monstrosity”, and Sienna Miller who wins the paper’s Worst Dressed Prize for a “dog-collared patterned sack”.

The Sun goes further still and calls Miller’s dress a “CRIME”. Not since Hugh Grant wore a syrupy grin in a police mug shot has a British thespian committed such a gross act of indecency over there.

And once again we see La Theron in that dress. You remember, the gown the Mail said carried the name Donatella Versace, the dress the Sun says is “edgy” and made by, er, John Galliano.

The same “over-the-top” Christian Dior dress the Star sticks a huge red “X” on? Of course you do. How can anyone forget it?

But at least the papers can agree on one ting – Britney Murphy looks great in that purple gown. Well, it is split almost up to her knickers…’

Posted: 7th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink