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Anorak | Acting Up

Acting Up

by | 13th, March 2006

‘HOORAY for Hollywood. The mere mention of the word Oscars banished bird flu, Islamic nutters and MRSA from the news pages. Such is the power of cinema.

One lump or two?

And such if the power of a woman’s tears. Perhaps sensing that she was destined to win a best actress Oscar for her role in Pride & Prejudice, Keira Knightly practiced gushing like the best of them at LA restaurant The Ivy.

The Star said that Knightly’s tears only abated when, safely back at the Chateau Marmont hotel, she shared a cup of tea with the overexposed Sienna Miller.

By Tuesday, we realised that Knightly’s professionalism had been for nought. She had failed to win a statuette. Although, Britain did have Rachel Weisz to cheer as she accepted her best supporting actress Oscar for The Constant Gardener.

But Weisz wasn’t having it all her own way. Pregnant and dressed in demure black, her dress was not going to win an award.

But another British girl would triumph. Sienna Miller, fresh from pouring tea, had gotten dressed in what the Mail called a “dog-collared patterned sack”. Miller had won the paper’s Worst Dressed Prize.

The Sun went further still and called Miller’s dress a “CRIME”. Not since Hugh Grant wore a syrupy grin in a police mug shot had a British thespian committed such a gross act of indecency over there.

If only Miller had had some advice. If only she had stayed in Blighty and read Victoria Beckham’s “10 style commandments”. Like No.4: Invest In Timeless Classics. “Buy classics that will never date,” said Posh. Like trousers. And socks.

What would Posh have worn to the Oscars? And what will Posh wear when, as we heard on Wednesday, she holds Katie Holmes’s hand in the delivery room.

‘Can anything be more painful than Posh’s singing?’

Vicky might be too Posh to push, but Her Poshness had, as the Star told us, been asked to be the actress’s celebrity birthing partner. The Star’s source said that the actress and the retired singer are close pals. “Victoria has become a mother hen to Katie and was thrilled when she asked her to be her birthing partner,” said the insider.

“Twice a week they set aside half an hour to discuss any worries Katie might have and practise breathing techniques.”

And Vicky knows all about breathing, considering herself something of the expert in the field. As such, Holmes had chosen well.

Posh would make a much better maternity

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Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink