Children Of Fortune

‘THE glitzy award season has been and gone. A swathe of the North London populace has returned from Los Angeles, the winners are finding it easier to book tables at the best eateries and the losers are telling anyone who still bothers talking to them that prizes are vulgar and offend art.

But, as the Sun reports, one award is left to give. Who will be the Celebrity Mum of the Year?

The paper says that in the running for the prize is one Kate Moss, known to the masses outside the kindergarten gates as Cocaine Kate. She’s a model mum, starring in photoshoots for some of the biggest fashion houses, and one of the smaller recording studios.

“KATE’S ON SNORTLIST FOR MUM OF THE YEAR!” says the Star. It says she is a “shock contender” in the running for this most worthy of prizes.

But where is the shock? As the Sun notes, the current holder of this esteemed title is none other than single mother Kerry Katona. Like Moss, tired and emotional Katona was separated from her offspring by a spell in rehab.

Indeed, looking down the list of agonists, it becomes pretty clear what kind of criteria the judging panel looks for when it comes to giving some celebrity mum the silver-painted dummy, or whatever form this prize takes.

The final list includes none other than the ubiquitous professional swearer Sharon Osbourne, a woman so keen to do right by her adolescent children Kelly and Jack she invited cameras into her dog-poo infested family home to film their every move.

Yes, those brattish, spoilt kids who were, as reports say, on “Hillbilly Heroin”, or Vicodin, during filming. Perhaps it is because Sharon is such a terrific mum that her kids felt safe enough to get off their faces at home, secure in the knowledge that mum will tuck them in and, if necessary, take them to hospital in “mom’s taxi”.

And then there’s Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, the woman who was so good to Princes William and Harry she slept with their mum’s husband. Perhaps Camilla did this to keep Charles satisfied, selflessly performing for her country so Diana didn’t have to?

There is much for the judges to discuss. Will Kate, Sharon or Camilla be able to defeat the challenge of those other mums, like Gail Porter, Liz Hurley, Jools Oliver and Jordan?

The tension mounts…’

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink