Rock ‘N’ Rolls

‘IS it any wonder the doyens of the Brits music awards need the aged Sex Pistols to enliven the show when today’s stars are as exciting as yesterday’s cheddar cheese?

Take Oasis’s front man Liam Gallagher. He’s bad to the bone. He’s dangerous. And just as soon as his personal trainer has rolled up his legwarmers for the day, Gallagher will stick two fingers up to the world.

As the Sun hears someone close to Gallagher say: “Liam has become quite self conscious recently about his belly.”

Well, he doesn’t want to turn into a lard arse, like some of our other stars. In a rare departure from staring at women, the papers have taken to staring at man.

And though we don’t get to see a shot of Gallagher’s paunch, the Star does have a shot of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen wallowing in a Caribbean swimming pool.

To reduce the glare from this hairless expanse of quivering alabaster skin, the Changing Rooms designer manfully holds a white umbrella over his head.

And then there’s the Mail’s shot of Jeremy Clarkson. He’s also in the Caribbean. He’s standing in a pair of revolting swimming trunks, the lower part of his body neatly shaded by an overhanging belly.

Clarkson is letting it all hang out – unlike David Hasselhoff. Filming Baywatch on a beach in Hawaii, the Mirror produces two photographs of Hasselhoff in his red shorts.

In one he spots the camera, sticks out his chest and sucks in his tummy. In another, Hasselhoff is relaxed, and so too his belly, which appears as a hairier and browner version of Gallagher, Llewelyn-Bowen’s and Clarkson’s.

And then there are those breasts…’

Posted: 5th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink