Little Girl Lost

‘RACHEL Weisz, Brooke Shields and Gwen Stefani are all pregnant. Not that you’d notice, because looming large over all of them like some gigantic spaceship is Katie Holmes.

What’s going on inside Katie has been the subject of no little speculation. Not since Quasimodo took his hump to Hollywood has a bump caused so much wonder, horror and revulsion.

And now we read that Katie is in tears. The Enquirer says that Katie has been unsure about where to have the baby, the grand piano or whatever it is that’s causing her stomach to swell so gigantically.

Should she have it in a hospital, as is traditional, close to medical experts and emergency wards? Or should she do as Tom Cruise wants and have the baby at home, close to the cooker, where Tom may like to fricassee the placenta?

Helping her make up her mind is Tom’s mum, Mary. And exchanges between Katie and her future mother-in-law have reduced the actress to tears.

A source says that Mary’s insistence that Katie listens to Tom have caused the pregnant star to “feel totally isolated”.

This source says that Mary is “very direct and had enough of Katie’s indecision about where the birth should take place”.

But it seems a decision has now been made. Tom and his mummy have agreed on what is best, and Katie will have to go along with it.

Let this be the end of the matter. And in case Katie wants to voice an opinion of her own, caring Tom has bought her a “personalised pacifier”, made of the finest rubber and moulded to fit Katie’s teeth.

This should keep her quiet while mom and Tom decide that’s best…

BREAKING news: Katie has now given birth to a girl called Suri. The name means ‘princess’ in Hebrew and ‘red rose’ in Persian. Or “Mmmmph” as a gagged Katie might say.’

Posted: 19th, April 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink