Take Her Away

‘“I’M dying, I’m dying,” says the runner in the London Marathon, her yellowy brow caked in sweat. For the next 50 minutes paramedics try to regulate the athlete’s breathing. She is then taken to hospital for emergency treatment.

And it looks bad. Jade Goody, for it is she – who prepared for the marathon by taking onboard Chinese meals, curries and beer – is going a funny colour. “Jade looked like she was turning blue,” says an eyewitness. “She was clearly overheating and you could see lots of steam coming off her.”

Pictured in the Sun draped in a foil sheet like some kind of hot takeaway kebab, Jade is seen receiving treatment from a member of the St John’s Ambulance.

While we speculate on the odds of runner 42684 falling in love with her knight in an ill-fitting, blue cable knit jumper, marathon watcher and Jade Goody enthusiast Tim Harper sees Jade crying and clutching her stomach. Says Tim: “I’ve been coming to watch the marathon for years and I’ve never seen anyone in such a state.”

And that must be a result. Watching marathons is surely not too unlike watching a Formula 1 Grand Prix – the only interesting bits, breaks in the procession, are when someone hits the wall. Unless, of course, you have a fetish for vests.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of watching marathons live!, the Sun tells us that Jade is now fine. She’s now got enough puff inside her to speak. “I was just so exhausted – I couldn’t carry on – but the doctors say I’m OK,” says Jade from her Essex home. “I’m gutted I didn’t get my medal.”

Jade then says she has only herself to blame for doing just four proper training sessions in preparation for over 26 miles of slog, and flying back from a holiday in Spain the day before the race.

But she did not do all that badly. As the Mirror reports, Jade, who ran the race with a Gucci bum-bag tethered to her curry-steeped stomach, lasted 21 miles.

Encouraged by that, or just high on liquid oxygen, Jade tells the Mirror that next time she will train harder.

And fill her bum-bag with reinvigorating prawn crackers and a refreshing chicken madras…’

Posted: 24th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink