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Anorak | Carry On Westminster

Carry On Westminster

by | 2nd, May 2006

‘“CAN I get you anything, sir?” asks the airhostess. The passenger looks up, his lips moist with anticipation. He stretches out a hand and helps himself to a pear. “Oh, what a lovely pair,” he says.

”Ere, John – you sure this’ll raise your standing in the polls?’

That’s a possible scene from a new TV drama based on the life and times of John Prescott.

The Star hears that Channel 4 are already planning the show. A source tells the paper that the story is a “bizarre mix of Benny Hill and a Carry On film”, and gives the project the working title Carry On Westminster.

So here’s Prezza (played by Warren Clarke, Ricky Tomlinson and/or Clare Short) sat aboard a jet from London to Washington ogling the trolley dolly’s chest and making a play on words.

This is truly amazing, and it is easy to dwell too long on Prezza’s commendable attempt to grasp the English language.

Prezza is a man who plays with words in much the same way a pyromaniac plays with matches.

His alleged pun is juvenile, pathetic and laced with more than a hint of desperation, but we can only commend his effort and fully support his attempt to finally get a grip on the English language.

But to the front-page story of how “fruity Prezza ogled my melons”.

“It was disgusting the way he was acting,” says Helga Forde. She took exception to the way his “beady eyes” leered at her. He made her “skin crawl”. He engaged in “sex pest conduct”.

“He was looking all the women up and down,” says Helga. “I also heard him making sexual suggestions to female members of his party.”

The film promises to be just great. And, what with this being Prescott, a man who does everything in twos, we can surely expect a sequel.’



Posted: 2nd, May 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink