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Anorak | A Meaty Role

A Meaty Role

by | 28th, May 2006

Jade is to embark on a movie career. And from France, Jade was telling us about her debut acting role in the film version of Catherine Tate’s TV show.

It all so terrifically exciting but we found it hard to rejoice. Even at the Beckham’s pre-World Cup party, it was almost impossible to chug down more than a gallon of pink champagne such was our troubled mind.

You see, we had seen Heather Mills on her travels to Slovenia, and she had cut a sad figure.

“ALONE,” said the Mirror’s front-page headline. Only, Heather was not, for she was being observed by other travellers and at least one man with a camera whose good fortune it was to see Heather struggling with her luggage, looking “pale and gaunt”, and “weak and thin with bags under her eyes”.

How a snapper came to see the wife of mega-wealthy Paul McCartney in so parlous a state beggars belief, and we felt for Heather.

So bad was her pain that on Tuesday we read that she was unable to attend the Vegetarian and Vegan Foundation’s campaign called White Lies – against milk.

Heather feared there was a great danger that the conference would be about her and her private life, a spokesman said. Heather would be “obscuring the important message that the White Lies campaign needs to communicate”.

Foundation director Juliet Gellatley said Heather was “very upset” at having to withdraw from the event.

“She is too ill,” she said. “We heard from her today. She just doesn’t feel very well.”

The exact nature of the illness was not specified, but we heard that a bottle of gold top was the most likely culprit.

While we waved adieu to Heather, we said a big shouty “HELLO!” to Geri Halliwell’s daughter.

And first things first, we wanted to know what the baby’s name was.

As Hello! reported, the child was named called Bluebell Madonna. Geri explained.

“As I walked around the park in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I seemed to see bluebells everywhere,” said Geri. “What clinched it was my mother telling me the bluebell is increasingly rare. So it’s a precious flower which seems right for my daughter.” Precious, indeed.

Geri really has star quality. To paraphrase Oscar Whilde, we are all in the park, but some of us are looking at the bluebells – the rest are avoiding the dog mess, sleeping drunks and used condoms.

But while Geri held up Bluebell, the world remained on hold for the arrival of Angelina Jolie’s gift to us all.

How to mark this great occasion was the stuff of Thursday’s papers. We read that Wave, a radio station in Namibia, was championing the idea of a national holiday for the Jolie-Pitt child.

These are exciting times for the people of Namibia. And we too can get in the spirit of the thing. On Friday we read that despite the almost continues rain, Britain is in line for a drought.

Namibia will very soon look just like Surrey – albeit without Angelina Jolie’s baby and so much partying…



Posted: 28th, May 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink