Come & Ave A Go

WHEN Ricky Gervais took on Anthea Turner’s orange-hued husband Grant Bovey in a televised fight, it was briefly exciting.

With so many celebrities now at large, here was a chance for a cull. Would the winner force the beaten out of the celebrity game? Would they fight to the death?

There was no blood spilled that night. But after what Gervais called his “gruesome” victory, we have never seen Bovey in the pages of OK! again.

Mindful of this we read the Mirror’s front-page news that singer Charlotte Church promises to “do” Cheryl Tweedy, a fellow singer and full time footballer’s girlfriend. “I’ll do you!” says the headline.

Inside the paper, we hear Charlotte say that she is out to get Cheryl. “I think she needs to grow up and get a hobby – golf or something, but stop having a go at me ‘cos it’s getting pathetic,” says Charlotte. “First of all, it was quite funny – but now it’s just pathetic and I’m going to knock her out if I ever see her.”

This is fighting talk. And to put it in some kind of context, the Mirror looks back at the making of a bout.

Round 1: Cheryl accuses Charlotte of copying her band, Girls Aloud. She also thinks Charlotte’s boyfriend, the Bovey-coloured rugby player Gavin Henson, “looks like a girl”. What’s more, Charlotte is “not even gorgeous.”

Round 2: Charlotte, the Voice of An Angel, responds: “Look love, when you can sing f***ing Ave Maria, then you can have a go.”

We’d wager that reality TV show product Cheryl cannot sing Ave Maria. But she can sing “It’s the sound of the underground/ The beat of the drum goes round and round” and wear knickers on stage.

Round 3: Charlotte advertises crisps. “Stuffing her face?” asks Cheryl. “Very appropriate.”

And so to the fight. The Star asks Charlotte who would win. “I couldn’t possibly say,” says Charlotte, looking not a little unlike the aforesaid Gervais…

Posted: 8th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink