Wag The Dogs

“WHAT’S going on? We have children and pregnant women here and have been waiting hours?”

You join us not at a UN food drop site in deepest Africa, nor onboard a stricken and sinking boat in the Indian Ocean but at Cologne Airport, where Victoria Beckham is causing a stink.

Having endured England’s 2-2 draw with Sweden, Posh and her legion of professional shoppers boarded a coach to the airport.

After two-hours on public transport, Posh, her eldest son Brooklyn and the walking mass of spray-on tan and painted nails that is the WAGS (media speak for footballers’ wives and girlfriends) arrived at the airport.

But their private plane was not ready to take off to the team’s base in Baden Baden. They would have to wait. And, no, there was nowhere to get a drink. Hell, there was nowhere even to buy a dress or a pair of to-die-for shoes. “What is going on here?” asked Her Poshness. “A dog gets better treatment than this.”

A rather unfortunate comparison, it must be said. And one that made no difference. Posh just got hotter under her turned up collar. And a full one hour after the scheduled departure time, they were in the air.

This gives the Mirror its front-page headline “WAG RAGE” and causes the Sun to talk about “WAGS FURY”.

But over in the Star, readers get an alternative explanation. They learn that the Wags took so long to get to the airport because one of them needed the toilet. This caused them to miss the chance to follow the players’ on their bus.

What one of them needed the toilet for is a crucial detail left out of the Star’s report.

And we imagine a young woman pausing for an emergency spritz of an orangey tanning product and to scrawl “Two World Wars & One World Cup” and “Feed Me” on a cubicle wall…

Posted: 22nd, June 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink