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Anorak | Forty Years Of Hurt

Forty Years Of Hurt

by | 3rd, July 2006

Winners

Frank Skinner and David Baddiel can now sing about 40 years of hurt as England fail once more to recapture the spirit of 1966 and all that.

A poll by GMI found that 56 per cent of Americans did not even know their country was competing in the World Cup. “We are not very passionate about soccer,” says a spokesman for the pollsters. He’s not kidding.

The vast majority of England fans behaved better than Wayne Rooney. Over 315,000 England fans made the pilgrimage to Germany for the tournament. In all, 711 England fans were arrested. “The behaviour of our real fans has been absolutely superb,” says Assistant Chief Constable Stephen Thomas, Britain’s police representative in Germany.

Owen Hargreaves went from zero to hero. Jeered earlier in the tournament, Hargreaves proved to be a terrific competitor. “I’m very happy that the tide has turned,” says Hargreaves. Incidentally, Hargreaves plays his football for Bayern Munich in Germany, which may explain why he was the only England player to score a penalty.

Theo Walcott had a lovely holiday in Baden Baden.

Losers

The Mirror has blamed England’s defeat on Portugal and Manchester United player Ronaldo. “BANNED!” screamed the headline. “Do not allow this man back into the country”. How dare he try to beat us! How dare he wink at Wayne Rooney! Hanging’s too good for him! Let’s invade Portugal! Cheating foreigners etc…

Sven Goran Eriksson’s farewell speech was met by one clap from the assembled media. And even that stopped when the clapper realised no-one else had joined in.



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