Death Under The Sun
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“Scientist prove mobiles do affect the brain” – Italian scientists investigate
“Yes, the Human Rights Act should go. But Dave’s alternative won’t save us from the lawyers” – Melanie Philips is scared of David Cameron’s suits
“Judges wasting days in cases that used to be decided in half an hour. Violent serial offenders walking free. Police and lawyers in despair. What our reporter found when he spend a week at the Old Bailey. So is this… JUSTICE DENIED?!” – Send everyone down!
“We’re woefully unprepared for a bird-flu pandemic, warns doctor” – Dr Steve Hajioff reintroduced bird flu to the Mail
TUESDAY
“JAILED FOR STANDING UP FOR DECENCY” – Josephine Rooney, 69, refused to pay her council tax until something was done about vice in her area. So she broke the law and went to jail. And..?
“The carpe baggers. Peckish Poles are blamed for plunder of our rivers” – They come over here, paint our houses, tend our gardens, catch our ornamental fish…
“The breast scans that may cause cancer in high-risk women” – More for women to worry about
“Labour blamed for cannabis pandemic” – Vote Labour and get stoned
“SATINS. They’re the new anti-cholesterol drugs taken by millions. But with side effects including muscle pain and depression, some experts are now asking: should they be dispensed more carefully” – News to raise heart pressure in sufferers
WEDNESDAY
“Super-casinos alert by doctors” – But it’s got to be more sociable than Internet gambling. No?
“RAUNCH. Is it liberating or destroying women? A life-long feminist argues that the obsession of today’s young women with sexually overt behaviour – from watching pornography to promiscuity – is not empowering, but damaging” – Joan Bakewell rages against the tarts
THURSDAY
“On borrowed time. Ex-Labour minister warning over Britain’s immigration timebomb” – Frank Field stirs the melting pot
“If we no longer treat the dead with dignity, what hope is there for the living?” – Melanie Phillips is alive!
“The 3in invader that could kill off salmon and trout” – The topmouth gudgeon could spoil lunch for ladies that do
FRIDAY
“What business is it of the Nanny State if I let my children eat strawberry-flavoured liquorice shoelaces?” – Tom Utley asks the question that matters
“I’m not finished with them yet. Strip-searched, thrown in a 3ft cell and forced to queue up with junkies for her asthma inhaler, the 69 year-old rates rebel reveals the full scandal of how her once-respectable street was destroyed. And sends a defiant message to those who jailed her…” – Josephine Rooney discovers that, contrary to what the Mail has said, jail is no holiday camp
“Cycle deaths rise as more commuters bike to work” – 4x4s for everyone!
SATURDAY
“The heatwave is here. But is your sunblock doing its job properly?” – Survey finds that some more expense suncreams offer better protection than some cheaper ones
“1m OAPS sell up to live in the sun” – Check your sunblock, grandma
“They shop and sunbathe all day and drink and bitch all night. So was a German paper right to brand the WAGS ‘hooligans with visas’” – Paying the penalty for binge drinking
“A very disturbing banality. We asked one of Britain’s top writers to assess the latest Big Brother with its mentally ill inmates. His verdict: a spitefully cruel, utterly mindless freak show which raises deeply worrying questions about TV and mordern life” – Of course, he could just switch the telly off
“Chilling truth about ice cream – Seaweed. Palm oil. Eel blood, and lost of thin air. We reveal what they REALLY put in your favourite ice cream” – I prefer a flake
Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
