Best Left Alone

"PEOPLE with left hand is very intelligent."

Nikkkki said that. And d’yer know what? Go on, guess. Even if you’re a painfully thick right-handed dunce, give it your best shot. Yes, that’s it. Nikki is left-handed.

So clever is Nikki that she has taken to speaking in a fractured kind of English, a language style only previously heard when a Hollywood ‘Red Man’ was talking to John “heap big cattle rancher”. Nikki only using words necessary communicate.

Of course Richard had to turn this into a conversation. "What do you use?" he asked, looking every inch the coconut waiting to be shied.

"Left-handed," said Nikki, grasping the full thorn of the question in the manner of a typically gifted left-hander. "What do you use?" she asked. "Right, said Richard, “so I’m less intelligent.”

Right. And Right. Congratulations to Richard. He’s not a dense as his right-handedness leads us to believe.

Buoyed by that, Nikkkki asked the house: "Who’s left-handed?"

"I am," said Lea. "I do know this." As a left hander, Lea would know that. And we’d like to ask her why it is she has seemingly felt-tipped her eyebrows on with her right hand. Is she empathising with Richard? Or was her left hand busy doing sums and other brainy stuff?

"Are you left-handed? Isn’t that a fact? Susie, are you left-handed? Left-handed people are more intelligent," Nikki went on, her language developing into something more robotic. Snoozie looked like she was thinking. But it was probably her make-up bedding in. "I am," she said.

"Well, there you are," said Nikki. "We’re all more intelligent."

Indeed, left-handers are bursting with intelligence. So much brain do left-handers have that they need to find extra space to store it in.

Which explains why Lea, Nikkkki and Snoozie all have enlarged chests. To help them think.

Posted: 7th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink