Gags & Wags

“ENGLAND’S football flops yesterday chatted up girls and guzzled champagne,” says the Sun with palpable disgust.

This is the front-page news that feels like a swift kick in the metatarsals for the legions of Sun readers who stuck little plastic crosses of St George flags on their ears and supported England through thin and thinner.

Or should that be thick and thicker? The Sun spots Rio Ferdinand, he of the badly drawn mouth, at large in Marbella for England team-mate Ashley Cole’s stag night. And it hears Rio asking girls: “World Cup? What World Cup?”

Heading the ball can do strange things to the human brain, and it might just be that Rio’s amnesia has not been helped by the £5,000-worth of champagne he and the rest of the Cole party quaffed in just two hours.

Whatever the explanation, clubber Jonathan Clarke is unimpressed. “I couldn’t believe how arrogant footballers were,” says he. They “didn’t seem to be crying into their pint glasses like all the football fans back home”.

Indeed not. The boys are not crying. And, for the record, champagne is rarely if ever served in pint glasses, although with this being a footballers’ night out, we cannot be certain.

But let us go easy on the boys. Might this be a change of career for them? Having toiled away in Germany, displaying little sign of skill or ability, they have perhaps realised that it’s better to be a Wag than a player.

Just get a load of Rio “refusing” to queue for the men’s toilet and swanning into the ladies’ loo.

Might it be that rather than chatting up girls in a Spanish nightclub Rio was researching his new role in football as a Gag (gentleman and girlfriend)?

So we look again at the picture of Rio at the nightclub. We see his flute of champagne, his massive diamond watch and the oversized sunglasses.

Now, if he can just find a footballer to date? Any takers?

Posted: 10th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink