Big Brother Nikki Acts Up

IS Nikki an actress? The cardboard doors at the top of the Big Brother exit ramp were pulled back by a couple of willing crew members to reveal Nikkkki.

Her legs had frozen. Her arms had frozen The only part of Nikkki that had not frozen to the spot was her face, which twisted and contorted as if it were about to change into something else. We waited. What would become of Nikki’s face? Would it mutate into a plant pot? An umbrella? A small weeping willow?

And you can produce the same effect. Take a hairdryer. Plug it in and set the dial to “hurricane”. Then aim it at your face. See the skin ripple and the mouth hang open and gape for air. Voila! You are now Nikkki. And if the hot air can make your eyes water, so much the more authentic.

And then Nikki found her legs. Davina placed a hand on Nikki’s back and edged her forward. Now before the flashing cameras, Nikkki posed. And then she was in the chair. And there was Davina.

“Can I just say Jayne is the most lairiest person I have ever met. I love her and Pete till the end. She’s hilarious,” said Nikkki. No tremble in her voice. No hint of nerves. What had occurred in the ad break to ease Nikkki’s fears?

Davina: Do those tantrums work in the outside world?

Nikkkkki: “No I just make a point and it makes me feel better. I do it at train stations and people look at me.”

Aha! And perhaps even a Forsooth! Is it all an act, a method to gain attention, to get everyone to look at the half-sized person?

Davina: So you’re not acting?

Nikkkkkkkkkki: “No. It’s really bad. I look like a demented God-knows-what. I’m surprised I’m not being straightjacketed up and wheelchaired off.”

So Nikkki is a victim? Her behaviour is as debilitating as Pete’s Tourette’s, a spasm over which she has no control.

And then she said: “Why do I have to come out now? It’s such a shame. It’s my own fault.”

Yes, her own fault. That makes her behaviour appear a little deliberate. Are her strops are an act?

And if they are, Nikki should be optimistic about her future. Why, isn’t she the ideal candidate to be the new Sam Mitchell in EastEnders.

You heard it here first…

Posted: 16th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink