Wayne Rooney Saves Coleen McLoughlin From Drowning

THE story so far: Wayne Rooney has been born with 2,347 freckles. It is 2003 and he and girlfriend Coleen McLoughlin are on holiday in Mexico? Now read on…

“We were on the beach one day when Coleen deceded to go for a swim,” writes Wayne in his first autobiography My Story So Far. “She went out quite far and found herself in rough water.”

At this point Wayne had little idea that he was watching a vital anecdote unfold before his very eyes. But then Coleen began signalling for help.

“I suddenly realised she wasn’t waving,” says Wayne, “but drowning. Wayne dived in. “The waves and undercurent had been so strong that it had even pulled off her bikini bottom.”

No matter. Sure it was a to-die-for designer number in that year’s black. But there are more imnportant things. There are. Truly. There was no time to save the bikini and Coleen. And having made his decision, Wayne dragged his lover out of the sea. “I’d saved her life,” he concludes.

And while the Star leads with “HERO ROO’S SEA RESCUE” – though awful in the quarter-finals of the World Cup (Wayne was sent off) there is no footballer you’d rather call upon to save you from drowning off the Mexico coast – the Sun has more.

“THE GREAT WAYNE ROBBERY,” says its front page. Thieves have broken into the Liverpool home of Wayne’s parents and stolen the players Young Sports Personality of the Year trophy.

“ROODUNNIT?” asks the Sun. Who could be so callous as to take dozens of Wayne’s international caps and his England World Cup shirt?

A hero like Wayne deserves better treatment than this. Althogh, granted, it will make an interesting story for Wayne’s next autobiography…

Posted: 24th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink