David Hasselhoff’s Wet Suit

DAVID Hasselhoff sits on cart at Heathrow Airport. He wears dark glasses, a shirt and a wet path on his groin.

Has David, fresh from saving lives in the fountain below Nelson’s Column in London’s Trafalgar Square pulled on his jeans over his swimming trunks without first letting them dry?

Of is there some other reason for the wet patch? And you can’t miss it because the Mirror has taken the trouble to draw a big white circle around the stain.

David is in the VIP lounge at the airport. It’s 8am and the Baywatch actor is having a drink (beer and whiskey chasers say the sun).

“My life is mess,” Hasselhoff says to no-one in particular. The Mirror says passengers look on as the wet patch appears and works its way through The Hoff’s jeans.

An eyewitness hears him “ranting”. Another source tells the paper that “he looked in a very bad way”. We hear that “he was sobbing and nodding his head”.

The Sun speculates that Hoff is upset about his divorce from Pamela, his wife for 16 years. He appears confused and the Sun hears another onlooker say how he picked up the manageress of the Duty Free shop then put her down.

Had he saved her life, mistaking a cheery wave for the last call for help from a drowning woman?

Whatever the reason, Hoff is deemed to be under the influence of alcohol. The lounge manager approaches. “I don’t think you’re fit to fly, sir.” The Hoff looks up. Despite much evidence to the contract, he is no Superman. “I think you are right,” comes the reply.

He is advised to sleep it off and board a later flight. But there will be Press photographers keen to examine his stain. “Why?” he asks. “I’m not a bad man. Kill them.”

The Hoff is then positioned in a golf cart and delivered to the aircraft. And then he is gone.

He’s back in Los Angeles now. And until he returns Londoners are advised to stay out of the water…

Posted: 27th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink