Anorak

Anorak | Breasting The Tape

Breasting The Tape

by | 5th, August 2006

"BIG BRO £1.5M BETTING SCAM,” thunders the front page of the Star. “Punters pour cash on Mikey in 2hr frenzy.”

The result of this action is that the largely inactive Mikey Dalton is now odds-on to be given the boot tomorrow night.

We learn that just yesterday Mikey was a generous 6-1 to get the chop. The clear favourite was Snoozie, coming in at odds of 1-8.

At they time of writing, the other two nominees for eviction are Imogen (16-1) and Gyny (50-1).

It looks like a straight race to the sliding metal doors between Mikey and Snoozie.

Who will win? While Mikey has the greater rage in his long legs, inflatable Snoozie could expect to breast the tape with ease. Indeed, if Snoozie could extend her breasts to just shy of 100 meters (we don’t want the race to be over before it begins) she could yet be the fastest thing on two legs.

But our money is on Mikey. In 11 weeks of TV, Mikey has managed to make no impression on us at all. . Mikey is painfully dull, and speaks in the hectoring tones of a 1950s shop steward.

Send him on his way.

Or get a few mates together and stick your money on Gyny. She’s 50-1!


Ins & Outs

Goodbye Snoozie. Goodbye Mikey. One never spoke and one never said anything anyone understood. Goodbye yous two, as Mikey might say. This is how it is right (more Mikey), two housemates will leave tonight, right. And, this is how it is, Snoozie and Mikey are the favourites to go. Just like with Daryl Van Horne and Viral, these evictees will be forever linked, forced to spend their fleeting moments of fame together. Mikey and Snoozie. Snoozie and Mikey. Whichever way the billing goes they are unlikely to attract much interest. Better, perhaps, if Mikey stays and Imogen goes. Snoozie and Imogen are cut from similar cloth and could form some kind of kinky mother-and-daughter act. Perhaps Live TV would be interested in taking their show? And there is Gyny. The idea of Gyny leaving with Mickey is a nice one. They could embark on a Scouse romance, a Big Brother version of Brookside’s Damon and Debbie with subtitles. Or Mikey could stay and rekindle his wholly sexless romance with petulant Grace Adams-Short. She could be coming back into the house – as might Nikkkkki and any of the other housemates who have been evicted. So Nikkkki could be back. And the thousands of us who voted for the first time can get her out all over again. Or keep her in…



Posted: 5th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink