He Is Sailing

STICK a blonde fright wig on his head and encase his nappy in some leopard-print spandex and eight-month-old Alastair Wallace Stewart looks just like his dad.

The Mirror has a picture of the boy and his father Rod Stewart (“THE ROD FATHER”) as they pose for the snappers onboard a yacht in the Mediterranean.

The Sun shows Rod and his son peering out to sea. There’s a lot of water out there. Rod and his boy are enjoying the view and perhaps wondering how to desalinate the water and take it back to drought-ravaged Essex.

Rod lives in Essex, and the Mail has an overhead shot of his home. Rod can rest easy on his boat as the Mail’s security services spare no expense in flying over his property to check on things.

The oven is off. The curtains are drawn. No sound of an alarm can be heard shattering the peace over the Essex countryside. There’s just the reassuring sound of the Mail’s aircraft.

And there is good news for Rod. Miracle of miracles, a localised shower means his football pitch is a verdant slab of health.

Nature has been good to Rod, watering his grass and causing the winds to give it a patchwork finish.

But the Mail senses something other. It says Rod’s home has been “absorbing vast quantities of water – despite the ongoing drought”.

The Mail contacts the water company and tells them what it has seen. They are told that Rod faces a fine of up to £1,000 if he “continues” to water his pitch.

Rod just gazes wistfully out to sea. And the Mail’s environmentally conscious spotter plane flies off, looking to save us from ourselves…

Posted: 7th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink