Weather Or Not
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“BIRTH DRUG’S CANCER LEGACY. Thousands of women face double risk of breast cancer over pill their mothers took” – Beware the “wonder drug” DES. It’s the “silent thalidomide”
“Pushy parent syndrome. Children suffer stress and depression as middle-class mothers demand success” – I blame the nanny
“Cannabis law is boosting hard drug use” – Better stick to the legal stuff, like Prozac and Valium
“Unhappy and unfit. Family break-ups leave British children among Europe’s most deprived” – Deprived of what? Crisps..?
“Divorce raises heart risk in women by 50 per cent” – So say researchers at University of Texas
TUESDAY
“Like so many tourists, I didn’t take my malaria pills. It was a mistake that almost cost my life” – TV presenter Kate Humble tells us all about her cerebral malaria
“A new breed to ‘super cereals’ claims to lower cholesterol, aid digestion and boost all-round health. But while some live up to their promise, others aren’t all that they seem…CEREAL OFFENDERS” – Bacon and eggs all round
WEDNESDAY
“Blair flies out to Barbados as Lebanon death toll grows” – They say he lacks the power to do anything; they want him to solve the crisis; they want him to go; they don’t want him to go to Barbados
“Breathing pesticides ‘can trigger MS and Parkinson’s disease’” – So says the Energy & Environmental Research Centre at the University of North Dakota
THURSDAY
“Long, hot summer takes its toll on our wildlife” – Look on the bright side, the heat may even kill all those foreign invaders, like the American signal crayfish
“NO WONDER HE’S WORRIED. This week John Reid (and even the Guardian’s high priestess Polly Tonybee) admitted being seriously concerned about unchecked immigration…with good reason, as this chilling dispatch from the gangster capital of Europe shows” – Bulgaria is coming to a town hear you
“PARADISE LST. As a Sixties hippy, Irma Kurtz spent a blissful year in Ibiza – then an unspoilt haven of innocence and peace. This year, she returned. What she found shocked even this most liberal of agony aunts…” – Irma had grown old!
FRIDAY
“Will we be so lucky the next time?” – Who says it was luck that foiled the alleged terrorist plot at Heathrow Airport?
“NHS prescribing blunders kill 36 patients in a year”
“Gambler, womaniser, drinker and brawler. So that’s why John Terry has been made captain of England” – But can he play football?
“The death of physics” – Can physics die? Discuss using examples where relevant
Posted: 13th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
