Edward Syringehands

HERE comes Pete Doherty. He’s got syringes where his fingers should be. He’s Edward Smackhands.

The Star says that Doherty is just like Edward Scissorhands, the man of fiction. And just as Edward was not by woman born, Pete has been manufactured – by a press eager to tell us stories of his life.

And now you can buy Pete memorabilia. On a certain well-known Internet auction site, fans can purchase one of Pete’s old heroin implants.

Chances are that a dose of smack is not included in the lot – Pete says, “Don’t worry, it is clean and has no drugs or blood on it”.

But not to worry, the high comes from knowing that you own something that has been inside the man with the great rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle, if not the great rock ‘n’ roll songs.

And it might even be an implant that Kate Moss once caressed through Pete’s pasty flesh.

And the model is caressing him again. As the Mail says (“I’m still hooked on Pete”), Pete and Kate are back together again. And it may be a permanent reunion.

In “I’m with the band”, the Sun spots a big silvery ring on Kate’s finger. This, it says, is an engagement ring. The band, and the Mail’s news that Kate told newlywed friends “It’s going to be me next”, point to a wedding.

It’s sure to be a do the papers will cover in no small detail. And we can already reveal that for it Pete will be wearing a new implant…

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink