La Caprice

“I COULD see a white female of scrawny build with bare shoulders in her late 30s wearing heavy make-up and she had a reddened spot on the right centre of her cheek.” Yer honour.

Of course what PC Paul Flashman meant to say was that at 3:45am on December 10 2005 he was had reason to pull over a flawless beauty with to-die-for blonde tresses and skin made of a lustre not seen since the days of Aphrodite in her pomp. Yer honour.

But this man’s name is Flashman, and as with his namesake Sir Harry Paget Flashman V.C. K.C.B he will play the cad to the fullest.

And here is PC Flashman consulting his documents and relating the story of his meeting with said painted woman to a courtroom at Highbury magistrates. London.

The woman listens intently. We shall not comment on the accuracy of Flashman’s description of the accused, only say that her name is Caprice; and it was the one she gave to the officer.

Indeed, as the Mail reports (“Caprice who?”), when Flashman pulled her over for driving in the clear with her fog lights on, he asked for her name. (Caprice’s skin may suggest a woman travelling forward at high velocity but she was not stopped for speeding.) The driver replied: “Caprice.” PC Flashman’s response was curt: “Caprice who?”

Need there be a “who?”? Does the constable’s probing not smack of prejudice of some sort? Show us the rule that says all men, woman and beast need have a “who?” after their name. And we will show you a Prince, a Shep, a Noddy and, indeed, a Flashman.

As PC Flashman recalls from his notes: “I asked again. ‘Caprice who?’ It did seem to annoy her somewhat that I didn’t recognise her and she replied in a stern tone ‘Caprice.’”

Caprice was then presented with a device for testing the alcohol content of her system. She blew into it. And was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the limit – almost 50 per cent over, according to the Star’s report.

And the Star knows why? Sure, Caprice had downed a bottle and a half of wine with lunch and quaffed a few glasses in the evening, but it was the medication what done it, occifer.

In “CAPRICE: SEX PUT ME OVER THE LIMIT”, the “scrawny” model says that at the time of her brush with the law she had been taking antibiotics for her cystitis. And, as the Star says, this is “commonly caused by having sex”.

The case will reach its conclusion on Friday when verdicts are read aloud. And we hear what else was said. And that PC Flashman is not Jewish, and is not related to the Fleisman’s of Malibu, California…

Posted: 23rd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink