Victoria Beckham’s New Show

AS soon as Victoria Beckham put a bag on her head we knew it could not be long before her name would feature again in the news.

How long could it be before we read the Mail’s expose on the bag-hat industry? “Bag-Hat of Death” would highlight the dangers of placing bags over heads and warn the millions of us doing just that to stop.

But before that, we read other news. The Sun, having missed the Mirror’s scoop on the new bag-hat sensation that’s sweeping the land (the paper’s editor had gone native and been at the same party as Posh when her new look was unveiled), says that Posh has secured a fashion-themed contract.

Her Poshness is to star in a fashion reality TV show in America. The Sun says the show is being billed as a cross between TV Project Catwalk and Britain’s Next Top Model.

Since only the institutionalised and wannabe models called Armani and Bianca have seen either show, it’s left to TV mogul Simon Fuller to explain. Says Simon, who is backing the venture: “She has found her niche. She can walk into any room in the fashion world and she knows as much, if not more, than anyone.”

While Filipino sweatshop workers stitching new bag-hats nod in agreement, the Sun brings more news of life in the Beckham household.

And this time it is Day-vid who is setting trends. Having got fans from Basildon to Kabul shaving their faces, Dave seems to have forgotten to remove the shaving cream from his upper lip. The result is a Cab Calloway-style moustache in lightest white.

Bur reading on we learn that this substance is milk. What’s this? Dave has been shaving in milk. These Beckhams just will not conform. Bags that turn into hats! Milk you can shave with! What next? A pair of knickers that can be worn by both man and woman? The male tampon? What’s the limit? Is there a limit?

While we ponder that, we learn that Day-vid is appearing in an American advert for milk. The drink served in bags…

Posted: 25th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink