Do Yer Ken?

“WORLD wide capitalism kills more people everyday then Hitler did. And he was crazy.”

Don’t worry, intrepid travellers, not everyone in London sounds as miserable, pathetic and up himself as mayor Ken Livingstone.

Some Londoners sound like this: “Gis yer money or I’ll smash yer face it. Innit”; “Nah. I don’t go over the river. Innit”; and “Gaw blimey, guv’nor, luv a duck, you ‘aving a giraffe. Innit.”

London is a veritable melting pot of dialects and languages. But to simplify things Ken and the people at Visit London have come up with a crash course in learning to talk London, innit.

As the Sun reports, the work begun by Ali G and Smiley Culture will be continued by the Festival Season Language School. Set up in Trafalgar Square, the school will offer students three-minute lessons in learning to talk London.

“It’s a celebration of our diversity,” says a spokesman for Visit London. “More than 250 languages are spoken in the city and some have blended together.”

And to get things rolling, before modules in Urdu for Irishman and Polish for anyone who wants to get a job done around the house or garden, we introduce you to Multicultural English.

The Sun has a handy cut-out-and keep translator. It tells us that “skets” are loose girls, “low batties” are trousers worn low on the waist, and “yard” means home.

For those of you who did not understand that, this article will be available in 249 other languages just as soon as we’ve found the Swahili word for “bollocks”…

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink