Robbie Williams Quits

“THE music industry won’t be the same without him,” sobs one fan in the Star. “I am devastated – he is the king of the charts and he’ll always be my number one.”

Don’t panic, music lovers, Elvis is not dead. And neither is Cliff Richard – few if any of us will live long enough to see Cliff say his final “hey kids”. No, this is the story that Robbie Williams is to give up pop music.

It’s the Star’s front-page news. “ROBBIE: I QUIT MY JOBBIE,” says the headline, the childish words trying in vain to soften the blow to the Star’s considerable Robbie fanbase. “I’m going to stop singing…pop has turned me into a monster.”

But nothing is for certain. And inside the paper, monster Robbie is musing over his retirement. “Do I take things into my own hands and dismantle this monster and have a nice life?” he wonders.

Or does he carry on reminiscing about the last Millennium and imitating Kevin Federline as he raps “Grab this double fantasy where we just never stop/ I’ve got one design and that’s to funk you to the top” on his latest offering?

Robbie is unsure. But he is self-aware. As he tells the Sun: “To the six millions people who keep buying my records, I’m the best thing out there. But there’s a whole group of people [who] think I’m a joke, that I am some end-of-the-pier entertainer, which I am.”

Oh no your not! I am, says Robbie. He’s not! I am, says Robbie. And keen to let him finish, and get to the bit of the show where Lionel Blair dances with Spit the Dog, we let him continue.

He continues: “I’d be an entertainment manager in Caenarvon Bay, if I hadn’t written Angels.”

Or perhaps in Tenby, where Robbie tells us he went when a boy. And that’s close to the internationally famous Caerphilly Cheese Festival. Robbie and Cheese – you can just smell the future…

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink