Church’s Reveal

WHO would have guessed that when she won the 2002 Rear Of The Year title, Charlotte Church would end up in “BIG” pants?

Who can forget Charlotte’s words at receiving her award for services to the backside: “Now that I’m sixteen it seems it’s okay to give me an award like this. A year ago people would have said it was a bit sick"?

Now four years on, the Star brings its readers a picture of Charlotte’s backside as it is now. The years of sitting have not been all that kind and today’s Charlotte is a vision in “giant-sized undies”.

We take a look at Charlotte walking in Cardiff. But as hard as we stare it’s hard to see any knickers beneath Charlotte’s white see-through dress.

And the Mail also fails to get to the crux of the story. Although its picture of Charlotte is in full colour, readers are afforded only a side view. And despite the paper’s claim that Charlotte’s knickers are “clearly visible” to all, we cannot see them.

It’s left to the Mirror to investigate. It has programmed its snapper’s flash gun to “X-Ray” and gone “undie cover”. And looking at its pictures of Charlotte – taken from both the side and rear – we finally spot the singer’s knickers.

The Mirror says these are “Bridget Jones-style knickers”. For illustrative purposes, it pictures Renee Zellweger, who played Jones on film, holding aloft a gigantic pair of apple catchers.

And it hears form Charlotte. “I’ve got the biggest, fattest control pants in the world,” says Charlotte, “if these don’t work, nothing will.”

And so it is we see Charlotte in her “gripper knickers”. And we wonder if they do work. And, if they do, will Charlotte become the first celebrity in history to regain her Rear Of The Year crown?

Or will the bottom fall out of her ambitions…

Posted: 19th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink