No Bum Notes

“I’VE forgotten what that feels like and I’m really excited,” says George Michael.

We shudder. No-one likes to think of themselves as a prude. And we remain to hear more.

“You’re beautiful…thanks for coming,” adds George.

Say what you like about the singer, but you can’t fault his manners.

George is giving a public performance before a crowd of 18,000 fans in Barcelona. It’s George’s 25th anniversary gig, and, as the Sun says, it’s his first “proper” live show for 15 years.

This is perhaps a slight on George’s recent improper shows, notably the George Michael unplugged concert on Hampstead Heath, his mystery performance in a balaclava at a London hotel and the conzzzzzert in his Range Rover.

Now George is back. And he stands alone on stage. The Mirror sees no backing singers or musicians sharing the platform with George. Even his old Wham! cheerleader Andrew Ridgley has been replaced by a 50ft blow-up doll.

The Mirror looks at the doll, which bears a resemblance to President George Bush. George opens the President’s fly. We are introduced to a bulldog wearing a Union Jack waistcoat.

As the Sun notes, the President is being “pleasured” by this pocket pooch.

The crowd goes crazy. But how much crazier they would have gone had George brought on an inflatable Osama bin Laden and shoved a Persian cat down his Y-fronts. We can only imagine.

For now George is having fun. “As much as I’m going to disappoint those people who want to see more of my bottom,” says he, “I’m going to be less of a showman and more of a singer.”

So he sings. And if you want to see the back of George you’ll just have to wait until he turns around, or lampoons someone who might actually take violent offence…

Posted: 25th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink