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Anorak | This Year’s Black

This Year’s Black

by | 28th, September 2006

“I’VE BEEN BULLIED BUT DON’T WORRY, I’VE HAD MY REVENGE.”

“PEOPLE USED TO THINK I WAS BLACK!”

Victoria Beckham – now known simply as “VICTORIA” on the OK! cover – has some “SHOCKING WORDS” and “NEVER SEEN BEFORE PICTURES”.

The promise of pictures interests us only slightly. Pictures of Vicky fall into one of two categories:
1. Pouting with Day-vid
2. Pouting without Day-vid

On the cover, Vicky is in Pose No.1. She has her lips parted as if unable to breathe through her nose and is showing the world some gritted teeth.

Inside, after a picture of Vicky with parted teeth just wide enough to allow a portion of her tongue to sneak through, we read: “I’ve got no bum at all. Trust me, I look really awful naked.”

If there is one thing we can say about Vicky it is that we find her to be entirely trustworthy. But are we mistaken? Should we believe her? It’s just that Vicky says: “People often believe what they read”.

And we shouldn’t? As she says: “I never complain about what’s written about me,” says Vicky, “but if I read that stuff I probably wouldn’t like me either. When David and I look at Posh and Becks in the papers we think, we bl***y hate those two.”

Hello! What’s this? Is Vicky saying that she and her man have alter egos and that Posh and Becks are fabricated beings, no more real than a spray-on tan?

Or is this a lesson from the Tony Blair school of self-deprecation. In times of stress, Tony’s trick is to distance the man from the job. Tony’s a nice guy. But the swine who sold us the dodgy dossier, that PM bloke, is an utter tosser. Crikey! What a knob.

So here’s Vicky telling us that her life is not all handbags and dresses. Hers is a life of pain.

Remember that bit about her being black? Well, it was no motif for Posh’s life as an outsider, “stood on my own in a corner of the playground in a puddle.”

It was a comment on her “black person’s nose and dark skin”. That’s right – the nose she doesn’t seem able to breathe through…



Posted: 28th, September 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink