Little Tom Cruise

TOM Cruise is short.

He’s “Tiny Tom” in the Mirror. He’s a real-life Tom Thumb. Look at his little legs. His little fingers. His little feet.

Randy Newman was right, as ever. Tom’s got “little baby legs that stand so low you got to pick ’em up just to say hello”.

It’s not easy to understand short people, what with their little voices and little minds. So the Mail taps Tom on the head, ruffles his hair and says: “Can you hear me up there, Katie? Wear flat shoes!!!”

And we see Tom’s point. Not only is Tom short, but he is shorter then his lover, the taller Katie Holmes. And to make the difference in height all the clearer, Katie has chosen to wear heels for a night out with her little man.

Viewed from the back, Tom and Katie resemble a boy out with his mum, or big sister. It’s not Tom who is older than Katie, it’s the other way around.

But still, she is 5ft 9in and Tom is just 5ft 7in. And if anyone is going to wear 4in heels it should to Tom.

But looking down to his little feet, we see that his little shoes have only little heels.

Which means he has to confront headlines like: “Katie makes Top Gun star look a titch” (Mirror) and “It’s Tom Thumb” (Star).

Poor Tom. But there is hope. Perhaps he can be beamed up?

Posted: 29th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink