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George Michael Chants

by | 3rd, October 2006

“THERE was spliff in car but I don’t have drug problem,” says George Michael on the Sun’s cover.

And we hang our heads low. Poor George. Has it come to this? Once he was a top lyricist, rhyming “Wham!” with “Bam!”, George is now too tired and emotional to use anything but the bare minimum to communicate.

The very real fear is that George is but a toke on a Thai stick away from speaking in a series of grunts, his work reduced to one long Gregorian Chant.

But even though George’s record label, Sony BMG, says he must get help for his “cannabis addiction” (Mail), George uses what linguistic ability remains to tells us that he has no problem. Dope addict? What, er, you know, addict?

Referring to his recent brush with the law, George tells the Star: “This is the second time in a year I have been caught with an unused spliff in my car.”

He goes on: “I had no drink or drugs in my body. I haven’t got a problem with drugs.”

The Sun is less than convinced. In “OFF HIS TROLLEY”, it says that when medics arrived at the scene of George’s latest escapade they found him “slumped” in the driver’s sat.

George was “sweating”. They had to “support” him. And fearing that he would collapse they kept a “trolley” on stand by.

But George says he is clean. And the Mirror wonders what could be wrong. In “SO JUST WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH HIM”, the paper asks if George is tired. Is he suffering from narcolepsy? Has he been listening to James Blunt?

Has he got an unused spliff in his car because he has misplaced his lighter?

All questions will be put to George in the fullness of time – but don’t expect a coherent answer any time soon…



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