Questions Of Faith

SO what did you learn at school today, Armani?

The little love’s eyes shine. “Well,” she says, “I learnt that non-believers are infidels who should be forcibly converted lest they burn in the very pits of hell and have their eyes plucked out by Beelzebub’s barbed tail. So, mother… (Armani removes the bolt from her pierced navel and brandishes it). “Do you believe?!”

Of course, things need not turn out like that. Legislating for 25 per cent of all faith schools to make room for non-believers may turn non-Jewish children on to the wonders of fried crispy bacon and Roman Catholics to condoms. Look on as the godless priapic youth at the Islamic school hears about so many virgins and loadsa shagging in paradise.

Such are the challenges facing Alan Johnson, the Education Secretary, who is, as the Times reports, expected to suggest that mixing believers and the godless will “help to ease racial tensions, break down barriers and give parents who admire the discipline and ethos of faith schools more choice.”

In a leaked letter, Mr Johnson says: “Faith schools have been the subject of a great deal of debate in the Lords so far, and concern about their impact unites peers from across the House."

The Telegraph notes that the Church of England has already announced it will set aside a quarter of places at its new schools for people outside the Church.

All well and good, especially for those parents who in a desperate bid to get the best education for their children (four fifths of the top 200 secondary schools are faith schools) spend their Sunday mornings in Church, mooning at the vicar and giving generously.

But the move would not be to everyone’s liking. Oona Stannard, of the Catholic education service, says in the Telegraph: “Far from leading to improved community cohesion it would lead to division. It is hardly a recipe for cohesion and parental choice when Catholic families seeking to bring their children up in the faith are turned away from Catholic schools to make way for quotas of children from families of other religions or none at all.”

But they should not worry. Barred entry into the faith school, the god-fearing will be cast among the faithless, bringing religion to the comprehensive masses.

Meanwhile, back in the faith school, there is much excitement as the history club re-enacts the Crusades, and the playtime game of British Bulldog is played with an enthusiasm not seen since the battle at the gates of Vienna…

Posted: 16th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink