Go Holmes

“TOM AND KATIE’S SECRET WEDDING,” announces the front page of the Express.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will marry, in secret, on November 18. They will marry in Italy. Although they may marry in Switzerland, the Express noting that the mention of Italy may be a “decoy”.

We could not possibly say. No, we could not. Invitations to the Cruise-Holmes do were dispatched at the weekend, and having sworn by all the powers in the galaxy (so help us L. Ron) we are unable to divulge any details. It is no exaggeration to say that breaking our oath will place humanity in great peril.

But Giorgio Armani is not known as the most fearless designer of his generation for nothing. And he tells the Express: “When I am asked by a friend to make a wedding wardrobe, it goes straight to my heart.” (Like a spaceman’s death-ray.) “It really is an honour to play small role in that milestone moment.”

And joining Giorgio will be Victoria Beckham. The Mirror tells us that Posh has flown to Los Angeles for a “secret meeting” with Katie.

Not that you will hear about it. And you will know nothing of the wedding. As Tom’s spokesman tells the Sun: “Proper security measures are being taken.”

Indeed. They will be watching you…from space…

Posted: 25th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink