Get EU

WITH bird flu waiting in the wings and politicians producing much hot air over global warming, we realise that both the big environmental stories lack a human face.

Until a Briton is struck low by the HN51 virus (a celebrity victim like Keith Harris would really bring the message home) or Tony Blair swims into an iceberg in Barbados, the general hoi polloi will be less than gripped with tales of killer birds and mankind-ending warm air.

This is not the case with the other great threat facing Britain: the Romanians and Bulgarians. As the Sun’s front page says: “EU’VE HAD IT.”

These Rogarians do, of course, have a human face. It is uniformly unshaven and sat atop a body swathed in yellowy manmade fibres. This ensemble is right now stood at an East European port waiting for New Year’s Day 2007 when the barriers come down and with the cry “I’m A Rogarian…Get Me Out Of Here!” the invasion begins.

And this is not all. Inside the Sun’s front page, comes a chilling headline: “ROMANIANS COMMIT 85% OF CRIME AT CASHPOINTS.”

It is shocking stuff. But so long as you avoid cash machines, you stand a decent chance of not falling victim to a Rogarian criminal. Although be aware that the 15 per cent of Rogarians who don’t commit their crimes at cashpoints may well get you later.

This news comes in a Government “secret memo”. Referring to the accession of the two countries as “A2”, their impact upon the EU has been assessed at the highest level.

The dossier, compiled by Immigration Minister Liam Byrne and EU Minister Geoff Hoon, says: “There is a concern that free movement will encourage people from Bulgaria and Romania to come to the UK, some of whom may be drawn towards organised criminal activity already well established in the UK.”

Of dear. But perhaps if John Reid, the Home Secretary, could see fit to treat Rogarians like, say, Poles and not place a cap of 22,000 on the number of them who work here legally, less would feel inclined to work here illegally?

“STREET VIOLENCE,” yells the Sun.

Why should there be one rule for Rogarians and another for everyone else?

“PEOPLE AND SEX TRAFFICKING,” the Sun screams.

It’s not as if Briton is crime free. Aren’t there plenty of British criminals? And some of them – whisper it – commit crime while overseas?

“FRAUD,” barks the paper.

Counterfeit fags? Are fake ciggies going to bring the country to its knees?

“FORGERY AND DECEPTION,” announces the paper.

You mean white collar crime? Tens and hundreds of millions lost and made in questionable investment schemes, insider share dealing and convoluted pension plans?

Not really. The Sun says the Government is concerned that Rogarian travel documents “will be increasingly targeted for fraudulent use”.

That’s right. They’ll be sold to Albanians!

Posted: 1st, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink