Everyone’s Going

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at scientific research.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…

MONDAY

“How we may all be microchipped like dogs in Big Brother Britain” – Whosaprettyboythen

“Training secretly for the school egg and spoon race, today’s ‘extreme’ pushy parents” – Wold that be an organic, free-range egg?

“Self-deception, extremism, and why I fear the new breed of terrorists will go nuclear” – Extracts from former Tory Minister George Walden’s book Time To Emigrate

“Terror of trick or treat thugs” – Guy Fawkes and all that burning was so much more peaceful

TUESDAY

“Paranoid? No, they are out to get you” – Richard Littlejohn sees danger, danger, danger!

“It’s not the riots or racist crimes that surprise me. It’s the fact that, so far, we’ve just about coped…” More from George Walden

“HOW TOXIC IS YOUR BODY? She’s just a teenager and lives in the country – but Bethan already has 17 different gender-bending chemicals in her blood. As our disturbing tests reveal, many adults have TWICE that …and it’s common household products that are to blame.”

WEDNESDAY

Anorak is on Sky News talking about doom and gloom

THURSDAY

“Four million can’t afford winter heating” – Not to worry – it’s getting hotter

“Casino Tessa and the loss of all principle” – Tessa Jowell gets a new moniker from Stephen Glover

“Hospital kitchens ‘dirty and infested with cockroaches’” – Like the wards, then

“The ‘healthy’ cereal bars with more sugar and fat than cakes” – So, that’s why they don’t taste like sawdust

FRIDAY

“British youngsters are Europe’s worst-behaved as family life collapses” – so says the Institute for Public Policy Research

“My sons love the never-never. But what happens when it becomes there now-now?” – Tom Utley fearlessly asks the questions that matter to his family

“Exodus UK. A million have fled Britain since 2000 in despair over tax, crime and education” – Great news! Now there’s more room then for hardworking East Europeans.

“Sea fish ‘could be off menu in only 42 years’” – Thank god we all eat fried chicken and crisps

Posted: 6th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink