Anorak

Anorak | No Self-Control

No Self-Control

by | 11th, December 2006

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at the latest scientific research.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…

MONDAY

“Violent video games ‘harm self–control’” – Indiana University School of Medicine says so. And now they must surely die!

“IVF drugs ‘harm pregnancy chance by damaging eggs’”

“Why organic chicken ‘isn’t good for you and fails the taste test’” – So says Researcher Dr Alistair Paterson of Strathclyde University

“Forget the killers’ rights. What about protection for the innocent public?” – Melanie Philips asks

“December, so Scrooge must be here again” – Keith Waterhouse taps his stick along memory lane

TUESDAY

"HOUSE OF TOADIES. The more we pay MPs, the more useless and idle they become, says this veteran political commentator" – Thankfully we have David Seymour and the Mail to uphold democracy and value for money

"Forget those faddy diets. Never mind the gym. A new book claims the key to losing weight is just a good night’s rest… CAN YOU SLEEP YOURSELF SLIM?" – Well, if you’re asleep you can’t eat, so…

"Singer Jamelia ignored her tummy pains for months…then discovered she has a potentially deadly hernia"- Singing WAG tells all about her illnezzzzzz

"My bowel cancer was removed without a single incision or anesthetic"- ME AND MY OPERATION” – It could be you

"Too much stress at work could give you diabetes" – But try not to worry

WEDNESDAY

“Peril as slimmers take laxatives to keep weight down"- Sales of laxatives up a third in five years

"Loss of taste ‘could be a sign of depression’"- Or you might think Ugg boots are cool

"TANNOYED? I’M FURIOUS! One writer says Tannoys on trains, planes and in supermarkets are driving him to distraction" – Hear, yea! Hear ye! Read all about it!

"Our illiteracy crisis ‘spells catastrophe’" – spells catastrophe with a silent ‘k’

THURSDAY

"How TV toy ads ‘brainwash children’" – Listen to the voice of the Mail. Listen… Listen…

FRIDAY

“The idea of Blair blowing £20billion on an NHS computer database is almost as painful as my ingrowing toenails” – Tom Utley’s feet

“Leaving a baby asleep in a car seat ‘may cut off breathing’” – Auckland Cot Monitoring Service says pull over

“Feminism was supposed to liberate both sexes. Instead it’s destroyed a generation of men…” – Rosie Boycott looks at hen-pecked, emasculated men



Posted: 11th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink