Fat & Fast

“FATTEST children dodge scales in obesity survey.”

So says the Express.

It seems incredible that the larger elements of the younger generation are able to dodge anything other than salad. It is certain that they do not dodge food.

But when presented with a set to scales the large of frame move faster than their skinny peers.

The irony is that in fleeing from the scales the portly will lose weight and with it their desire to be weighed and measured by the government’s goons and eugenicists.

By running, the fat will soon fit with the norm. Go on, Roland Browning, Billy Bunter and Russell Grant, run why you can. You can’t run for ever, and certainly not on that diet of fast burning crisps and alcopops. If only you’d have had the porridge. Run for now for tomorrow you comply. You will be measured and placed on a graph. You will be a decent average.

The Government has a job to do. Children must be measured. As a Dr Colin Waine, chairman of the National Obesity Forum, tells the Express: “It is very disappointing that they have only managed to measure 48 per cent of children.”

This suggests that 52 per cent of children are scale dodgers.

But statistics never work so clearly, and certainly not at a governmental level. The skinny may also have slipped though the net.

Tam Fry, head of the Child Growth Foundation, says the report into childhood weight has “failed lamentably”. Says he: “We do not know how many children in this country are obese which is why it is so calamitous that this went wrong.”

Indeed. If we do not know how many children are fat, how can we round them up and use them as alternatives to fossil fuels?

Think less of yourselves, fat child, and more of how your fat can fry a dinner, power a small family saloon and light up a shopping precinct.

It is time to stop running. You are wasting valuable energy…

Posted: 21st, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink